Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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