i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
