babies were throwing up all over the place
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
