I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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