my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
