Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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