I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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