Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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