i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
