There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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