She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
