I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
