Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
