I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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