So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
