Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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