My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
