Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
