Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
