youre lurking in front of me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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