Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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