after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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