thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
