I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
