don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
