I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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