i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
