dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
