i may or may not be watching the land before time
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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