Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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