is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
