it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
