Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Alive.
So much puke
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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