so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
