if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
