Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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