Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
