You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
