You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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