sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
