I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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