I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
