So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
