You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
