So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
