I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
