You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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