yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
