Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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