if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
