that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sext me about skeletons
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
