I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize
